The Blinding Shine of the Golden Calf

November 10, 2023 Brooklyn NYC Friday.

I can understand why the need for the golden calf arose. Amidst the anxiety of waiting for Moshe to return down the mountain with Hashem’s words, the collective social pressure caved in. I can see the appeal of melting down my possessions to create a collective object that we can all gather around, in a stupified awe of its shiny presence. We found comfort in creating illusions of validation amidst waiting for the impossible presence of the unknown. This is why we wandered in the desert for 40 years. This is why the generation of Egyptian slaves needed to transform in the desert to become the first generation of the kingdom of Israel.

My name is Aaron, and I empathize with my namesake that held the position of leadership in that moment. The mounting social pressure to conform to an illusory collective narrative of pseudo worship was overwhelming. I hope we can see through this illusion now. Our inability to patiently listen inwards to our own authentic voices of reason made us look for externalized narratives. We melt our experiences in pursuit of a collective, shiny, unified, illusion of truth. We blind ourselves in the light of the golden calf, lured by the promise of mass movements to ease the pain of waiting, listening and seeking into the mystery of life. Har Sinai was not the last time the golden calf showed its shiny face. It also played a big role in the destruction of the first kingdom of Israel. It was the symbol of separation of the tribes. The northern tribes felt frustrated with the intense rate of development of the kingdom and temple. So they constructed the golden calves as an alternative to the temple. Disgusted with the labor of progression and the pursuit of becoming like the surrounding kingdoms, 10 tribes of Israel wanted to split off. Our people were not able to unify to create a sustainable source of society. This led to existential loss of 10 of our tribes and the kingdom of Israel. I don’t want to see this happen again.

When I was about 9 years old, I went on a family trip to San Francisco. Besides noticing the intense amount of security everywhere, I felt shocked and disappointed to realize that I was fooled. I was fooled into believing that the Golden Gate Bridge was truly made of gold. I’m still quite upset about this, and I think the city should remedy this by making a golden bridge as soon as they can.

In all seriousness, I realized that this was a stark symbol for the gold rush, a mass movement caused by the illusional belief that there was gold, deep in the

west. There in fact was no gold, and people uprooted their whole lives in vain, caught up in a mass movement of collective illusion. This is a prime example of a mass movement that led an entire civilization running after it, only to realize that all there is in the west are the fools that followed a false dream. It seems that often people must experience the illusion for themselves, to be able to see through it.

I can see this pattern now being reflected in what I call modern idol worship. The fashion trends, the obsession with celebrities and Hollywood stars, the brand of perfume and lingerie that will make me sexy, and the juicy burger that is dying for me to eat. These are all the commercialized forms of externalized gratification that dominates our modern society. Even more twisted than a commercialized advertisement, are the mass movements. These movements feed off of melting down people’s individual experiences of life, into a shadowy blob of conformist, automatic jargon. Affirming itself with every ignorant word, performing as a liberator of society, they truly help no one. They feed off the same thing as the golden calf, externalized forms of validation that are fueled by bypassing genuine self reflection and authentic connection.

Over the past couple of years, I have definitely seen the shine of the golden calf closely. I have looked into many different political movements, such as communism, socialism, polytheism, anarchism, all just to name a few of the household brands of mass movements. Each offers their own shiny systems of thought and charismatic leaders to profess their sanctity. The catch is, these idealistic shiny systems of thought originate from a source that is unknown to me, rather than my own personal developing thoughts. While they can deepen my experience and understanding of these systems, they don’t necessarily help facilitate my own authentic personal growth. Instead, they seek external validation and often criticize what does not align with their perspective. This results in latching onto an externalized form of validation, followed by a sharp distinction between their identified forms of validation and other perspectives. It is precisely what the golden calf feeds on to shine its brightest, almost blinding us in the process.

After being in the United States of America for one year, I feel like I can count the amount of truly meaningful conversations I’ve had with people on one hand. People’s illusions are so thick and their desire to cling to their performative pseudo worship of their melted conceptual idols is so strong. I feel like it is rarely possible to ever truly communicate with anyone around me.

I find this to be especially true now, with the war. It's so disheartening, and infuriating to see the mass manipulation happening. People are identifying sympathetically with jihadist terrorists, blind to the rampant anti semitism that fuels their narratives. They call themselves liberal people, progressive people, absolutely deaf to the screams of inhumanity that come from their encrypted agendas.

The only way that I can see through this, is to realize that we need to look inwards for our sense of validation and truth. That our individual experiences will shine the way. Through the process of self reflection, and authentic creativity, we can come to a place where we can meet one another genuinely. There is no bright shiny fix-all that can glue this broken vessel back together. It’s up to each of us, individually, to pick up the pieces ourselves.

Instead of trying to change other people’s minds, I suggest focusing on your own. I invite you to engage in a self reflective and creative pursuit. By doing this, you will hopefully foster self awareness, and deepen your own experience of reality. In my experience, this is a much more gratifying approach. Embrace the vibrancy of what lies within yourself, rather than the exhausting and endless pursuit of external manipulation of other people’s experience. Once you realize that the treadmill of endless anxiety of trying to control life through the means of convincing other people of half-truths and made up stories, you will come to an easier place within your own skin.

I’m not only suggesting that you put down your megaphones and pick up a paint brush, just to paint a pretty picture. That is far too trivial of an approach, a degradation of what I am truly suggesting. Artificial pursuits of art will just feed the golden calf more. What I believe is necessary, is to delve into authentic self reflection. This often seems like an endless abyss, but that’s only because you may have not made yourself familiar with the depths that lie within.

The creative process allows me to anchor through the journey of self reflection, and create something in external reality that continues to guide my way, like a flaming torch. I believe this to be a truly worthwhile use of time, much better than screaming into the void of despair, much more gratifying than feeding mechanisms of manipulation. What I am suggesting is truly an act of self love, in direct contradiction to what mass movements feed off, which is self sacrifice.

Over the past year or so, I have been following these wise instructions, so let me be the living evidence of this path. I made a conscious decision to stop trying to change people’s minds about reality. I put down the picket sign and I picked up the paint brush and pen. Over my time in the mountains of Colorado, I created a refuge of regenerative self reflection and creativity, a sanctuary of solitude. I’ve written more, and painted more in the past year than I have in a lifetime, and I feel like I am only getting started. I feel as though I have grounded my experience. The ecstatic energy that I would bring to trying to change my external reality, feels channeled and rooted into the self reflective and the creative process. The insights that have been fostered, and the abundance of connection that has been stimulated, will be a foundational part of my life.

I am very grateful that I have put down the habit of casting blame outwards on everyone else, over things that I only know the half-stories to. My connections with myself, my family, and my attitude towards how I can be of constructive service to society feels like a homecoming. I can see how casting blame on other people, and feeding manipulative powers, is extremely energy draining and toxic. I much prefer to live my life in the direction of creating solutions to adjust society to a more holistic and loving place. And what I have found through the process of shifting my approach, is that the control that I wanted so badly while trying to manipulate my external reality, is given to me with delight, like a gift, when I have the intention of creativity and restoration.

In regards to researching mass movements, and the forces that steer our society and collective minds, I welcome learning. I think it is a very important part of the process of becoming an adult to learn about history, mass movements, and political agendas. Knowledge is power, and learning is the key to the gateway of a more aware life. Remember, it’s important when learning about ideologies and movements, to practice non-attachment. This means that we don’t become a movement, we learn about it, as something that is happening. This way we can become wiser in our new found knowledge, without getting sucked in and trapped by an ideological way of thinking. Ideologically thinking about reality only serves as an echo chamber, creating very rigid minds that eventually snap. We want to integrate our knowledge, rather than identify with it. That is truly what the creative process is all about. We put ourselves out there, we create, and we learn. And when the piece is done, we let go, and start a new one. We want to continue to grow, as life, that is fundamentally what this is all about.

One who learns is like a surfer on the shore. Riding each wave of thought, and letting it have its moments. But once the wave is gone, it becomes the rest of the sea, and you are left at the beach to admire the sunset over the scene. You don’t want to get whipped out by the waves on your way! But if you do, it’s all good, you will find your way back to the beach eventually, perhaps just a little saltier than before. And then before you set out for the next wave, you will connect with your beginner's mind for a fresh start, on the new journey out. While the path inwards may seem more challenging than the performative lure of the golden calf, I promise it is more rewarding. What could be better than a life that is more fulfilling, dreams that are more realized, and paintings that are more vibrant? The path of the golden calf is illusional and destructive. The path of self reflective creativity is filled with abundance and restoration. We each walk our own path. Make yours authentically wonderful.

“Remember that there is meaning beyond the absurdity. Know that every deed counts, that every word is power... Above all, remember that you must build your life as if it were a work of art.” - Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel