I Am Walking on a Path

March 6 2024 : Brooklyn, NY

Times like these offer an abundance to write about. While enduring the intense chaos and grief, we need to look for the path forward. The way you respond to grief will influence what path you choose to take. And the path you walk, will inform the nature of your identity. Your personal identity connects you with a collective identity that shares your perspective.

 I intend on sharing two distinct paths, and the cultures they consequently form. I find it fascinating to look into the identities that are formed by the response to grief. I want to understand how they relate with one another, and how they don’t. The tactics they use and the different responses that they get. The two paths that we will walk through, are the identities representing victimhood and resilience.

To understand these paths, we must accept their subjectivity. These different paths I share are more windy and twisted in reality, than in my concise observational analysis of them. For the sake of clarity, I describe these responses and their corresponding identities as generalized terms. While everyone may experience these responses individually on their own journey, their identification does influence cultural and collective responses.

I have been through my own share of chaotic times, and have dealt with grief. I hope to convey insights gathered through navigating the internal terrain of healing. My intention is to share observations that are relevant to what we all collectively experience, and individually navigate.

Claiming victimhood is a very valid and understandable reaction to life’s many challenging aspects. Resilience is fostered, through the liberation of victimhood. When I am able to move past being a victim, and willing to attempt to be free from my suffering, I grow through resilience. And while it may not be what others want from me or expect of me, I am determined to foster resilience rather than claim victimhood.

I see Israel through the path of resilience. One of the foundational motivations of Zionism is the collective transformation from victimhood to resilience. The early Zionist’s message was that we will no longer be victims to the pervasive, terrorizing, dominant culture. The days of facing the pogroms defenselessly will be in the past. Gone are the days of the cowering Jews, the victims of an apathetic world. The early Zionists realized that no one was going to help them, except themselves. That is the root of the Zionist movement.

This can be seen clearly through the journey of Natan Sharansky. The legend who survived the Soviet gulag and became a figure of Jewish redemption to Israel. Natan Sharansky would never describe himself as a victim, even though he suffered immensely for his cause. He understood what he needed to do to create his own redemption. A sense of dignity is fostered through moving past the victimhood identity, and towards resiliency.

Ultimately the path of resilience leads to redemption, independence and freedom. This vision of freedom can only come through affirming one’s own right to be free. This is seen through the struggle of the people who survived their harsh realities in the effort to create Israel. They would never describe themselves as victims. Instead, they are resilient survivors, fighting to determine their own destiny.

I feel like a sharp instance of seeing the difficulty of using the victim card is when Germany gave Israel reparations in the early 1950s. Israel was a fastly growing country due to the exodus of Mizrachi Jewish from their Arab countries; Yemen, Iraq, Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Algeria and Morocco. These were Jewish people fleeing their countries after the Independence war. Ben Gurion felt absolutely committed to supporting every Jewish person who came to Israel.

Israel faced many challenges, in the pursuit of its creation. The country needed help with becoming a functioning society, and a rapidly growing one. There was an intense debate between the people, represented by Menachem Begin and Ben Gurion’s relationship at the time. They were deciding whether they should accept help from Germany. Pragmatic Prime Minister Ben Gurion wanted to take the reparations, to support the rapidly growing country. Revolutionary Menachem Begin felt disgusted, because less than ten years prior the Nazis were waging World War 2 and the horrors of the Holocaust. Ethically, it was extremely challenging to know what to do. While the Israeli people needed help with creating societal infrastructure, how could we possibly take help from the Germans?

In contrast to fostering resilience, there is the potentially perpetuating route of victimhood. The victim’s response to being kicked down is to stay down. If the identity is formed of victimhood, then they fall further. From there, they will try to gain power through sympathy for their conditions from other people. The pursuit of other people’s sympathy is prioritized over the attempt to pick themselves up.

It’s very sad when the victimhood identity is formed. Unfortunately, it can disrupt the hurt individual's ability to become resilient and even survive. Often, no one comes to help. This makes me think of the European Jewish, in the old country, if you will. And if someone does come to help you, the relationship can easily turn very sour.

The conditions of a relationship formed through the victimhood identity, can make the victim dependent on external sympathy. Their helper will feel good about themselves for helping you. The ‘helper’ will want to keep you as a victim, so they can continue to feel good about being the ‘helper.’ The victim will feel great because their goal has been achieved. They are receiving the external sympathy that they desperately wanted. But this means that the victim will likely not be incentivized to grow resilient. Instead they will feel affirmed in staying a victim, and locked into a dependent relationship.

Going deeper into the path of victimhood, it effectively cultivates a toxic culture of competitiveness. I see people trying to prove that they are the biggest victims, needing to receive the most sympathy. As a result, I see helpers trying to be the biggest helpers. They will perform their ritual of ‘help’ as much as they possibly can to their lowly victims. These are all just attempts to receive external validation of sympathy, and no actual growth or progress is made, sadly.

I can definitely understand the response to being kicked down by life, by claiming victimhood. I understand and accept that this is a completely valid reaction. It is essential though, to not get fixed into this identity. By identifying rigidly to an identity like victimhood, then it is impossible to grow into resilience. Instead there is an endless rabbit hole of self-pity and dependency on performative external validation.

I see how this plays out in the realm of very privileged people’s fixation on helping victimized people. It’s specifically pronounced for me, how it plays into the conflict between Israelis and Palestineans. People who are born into an extremely privileged culture feel a need to fixate their need to help and fix the oppressed victim. This comes from a desire to affirm their identity as the ‘helper.’ Then, the  terrorist organizations who fuel the Palestinian national movement play into a victim narrative, fulfilling this dependent dynamic.

Instead of taking the help that they are receiving as victims, the ruthless governing authorities of the Palestinians further invest in their victim identity. They create their cultural foundation around terrorism, perpetuating the narrative of victimhood. This solidifies their role as the victim fighting the oppressor, perpetuating the toxic relationship further.

This is tragic, for many reasons. This forceful dynamic is not allowing the Palestinian people to grow resilient. It supports terrorism as their method of victimizing their cause and gaining support from toxic ‘helpers.’

This relationship puts Israel in the constant position of needing to defend against ruthless terrorists, and suffer their terrorism. While they are defending, Israel is also trying to support the same people that the terrorists are controlling. Israel now also needs ‘helpers’ in their efforts to defend their safe society, and grow from victim onto resilient and independent. So now we have help from helpers, who are also helping our enemy. Who need the help to continue perpetuating their victimhood identity. By terrorizing their people and Israel’s. Like I said earlier, these paths of identities get tangled up and completely out of hand.

I catch myself laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Learning history and keeping up with the times has really helped me foster a good sense of humor. How this terrible war seems like a competition for people’s attention, or lack thereof. Laughing can certainly help.

I see the bitter irony of how the Jewish people never received help when they were victims. Quite the opposite, the dominant culture saw the Jewish people as a threat, even during the darkest hour. The Nazis fueled their movement by perpetuating the narrative that they were in fact oppressed by the Jew, seeking to liberate the German people from them.

There is a pervasive pattern of ideological groups basing their liberation and self determination on a shared vision. On the perception that they are a victim of the Jewish people. The Soviet Union also saw themselves as a liberation movement from the Jewish people; Marx said that religion is like ‘opium to the masses’. And it’s seen again during the fight for an independent Israel. The British, amongst other world dominating powers, saw the Jewish people as a threat to their regional control. By never receiving external sympathy, the Jewish people felt further motivated to realize their Zionist vision, to transcend victimhood and embody resilience.

I understand the complexity of the topic at hand. The truth of what is happening goes beyond the scope of this specific piece of writing. Ultimately, I hope to convey different perspectives.

While thinking about where to go from here, I have seen a few paths being taken. One is fostering growth and freedom through resilience. One is becoming dependent and stagnant, as a victim.

 We are living through unfolding history. 

These moments ask us to find our path, 

and to make meaning within the absurdity.